An Open Letter... "I am different, not less."

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Our normal looks different. Life is organized a little differently in our home. We prioritize therapies, medications, appointments and safety. It's normal to advocate, explain, translate, and prepare for things other parents rarely even think about. We celebrate wins the world doesn't always recognize. We grieve the life we thought we were going to have, while loving you boys exactly as you are. 

Boys, we have so much joy, pride, and love, alongside days that feel heavy, lonely and misunderstood. There's definite isolation, when invitations fade and our world grows smaller while everyone else's keeps moving. The judgement, the looks when you stim, your melt downs, or doesn't fit societies idea of, "normal." When we get the assumptions, the whispers, the constant need to explain. Many people don't realize that we are constantly living on edge, in a perpetual state of survival mode. There's the exhaustion of advocating in schools, doctors appointments, therapy sessions and public spaces often when we are already running on empty, because if we don't, who will? 

You didn't call me back, "You declined our invitation, "You ignored my message, "You stopped coming out," These are some of the thoughts I know that go through our family and friends minds when we don't show up. What they don't see is when you boys haven't slept in days. The meltdown that took everything out of you and us. The sensory overload from the last outing means we can't risk another quite yet. The careful routines you boys have that keep our world steady, even if they are interpreted as distance from the outside. We are not avoiding you. We are not being rude. We are not forgetting who matters. We are just giving everything to you boys, who need more from us than most people will ever see. Our silence isn't rejection. Our absence isn't a lack of love. Its survival, protection, and parenting in a world that can be too loud for you boys. When we don't show up, please remember we are doing the best we can and we care more than you know.

Your Mom and I will always be a team. Some days, it feels like we're running separate races, just trying to survive. There are nights when we barely speak, not because we don't love each other, but because we have nothing left to give. There are moments when we misunderstand each other, when the weight of it all makes us say things we don't mean, when resentment creeps in; not toward each other, but toward a life that is harder than we ever imagined. And yet, through it all, each other are the ones we need the most. Your Mom is the other person who feels your pain, probably even deeper than I do, who would give anything to make the world easier for you boys. And so, even on the hardest days, I hold onto that. I hold onto her. Because while this journey may break us down at times, I hope, more than anything, that it will also make us stronger. That in the end, we will not just survive this together, we will love more deeply because of it.

Boys, you have given us such a resilience. A new way that we see the world. Celebrating your milestones others may overlook. You bring us such fierce love, unexpected patience, and a strength we never asked for but we grew anyway. Raising you boys has taught us that progress is not linear, success looks different, and that every child deserves understanding, acceptance, support and not judgement. I hope that through all the noise and the chaos of the world, you've always felt safe with us. I hope that we have been calm when things feel too loud. We hope we have been your shade when things are too bright. We hope you know how deeply you're loved exactly as you are, not in spite of it. We hope the choices we have made reflect the ones you'd choose if you boys could. We hope you always know, no matter what, it's our life's work to keep you safe, understood, and seen. 

To all the parents who are going through the same things, we see you. You are not alone. The road is not easy, but it is filled with moments of joy, breakthroughs and miracles that make every tear worth it. We want to tell all the parents feeling unseen, the children doing their best in a world that is not built for them, and the families quietly fighting battles no one else can see. Keep going, you're fucking amazing.